You're Invited....

I know it's been a minute since I've posted. I'm sorry. I decided that I'm not a whiner by nature and while this blog was indeed therapeutic for a minute, it's not really where I want to pour my energy. I have another blog that I've had for a little over a year. It is no doubt a better reflection of me as a person and not just this moment in my life. I hope you will accept my invitation and become a follower of How Full is Your Bucket? Thanks so much for your comments and advice I really appreciate it.

Can the glass ever really be half full?

I used to think that it was all about perspective but now I'm not so sure. I was watching Oprah this weekend (I love my DVR. It's right up there with Caller ID) and it was about wives who had been deceived by their husbands. It really was quite interesting. Each wife seemed to be saying the same thing, why didn't I pay attention to the "signs"? I began to think about the old cliche of looking at the glass as half full. While I'm not married and am no doubt NOT an expert on the subject, I can't help but wonder once you say "I do" are you also agreeing to see the silver lining, find the good, look at the glass as half full. All of these women suspected their husbands of cheating, yet it wasn't a deal breaker. In fact, two of their marriages ended because their husbands went to jail and the other one's husband died of a heart attack. So I wonder are there degrees of cheating? For instance, are you cheating if you are texting or emailing ex's? Is it cheating if you visit or hang out with ex's? What's your take? Are there levels of cheating and is cheating a deal breaker?

Comfortable in my 2010 skin

Thanks to all the Mrs. who shared their proposal stories, I really enjoyed reading them and visiting your blogs. I decided that while it was great to read everyone's story and find some source of inspiration that maybe there is hope for me, I also began to slow down and really analyze my life. I started this blog as a reaction to my manfriend not proposing. We have been together for a little over a year and I really thought that we would be engaged by now. So I found myself getting really sad and depressed with each passing event and no ring. Let's see, there was our 1 year anniversary in October, my birthday and a trip to Vegas in November, Christmas and of course, New Year's Eve in December. I am happy to say that as the new year rung in, I wasn't sad or depressed but just still. You know that kind of stillness that just brings an unexplainable calm over your entire being. In my stillness, I realized that I am blessed and that I am learning to appreciate my blessings. I won't front it would have been great to return from the holiday break (I'm a teacher) with my left hand a little heavier. But hey, I didn't and it doesn't decrease or minimize the feelings I have for my manfriend. I made a 2010 goal collage and guess what????? I decided to include getting married. I figured, hey it's a goal and I'm going to add it to my collage. Even though I don't plan on proposing to him, it felt good to put my marriage goal down on paper. It's actually kind of liberating. I feel like I just fully exposed the big, white elephant that's been in my life for years. So as we all make resolutions, intentions, and goals, I'm embracing the skin I'm in for 2010. I know it's sounds hokey but it's true. Our "skin" is different for a reason so let's pledge to embrace our "skin" this year. Your turn..what 2010 skin are you fully embracing?

A Question to the Mrs.

I have no idea why I'm up at ummmmm 4:12 a.m it must have something to do with going to bed way too early. Anywho, I was up reading Facebook status updates and my attention was quickly drawn to one that said Why aren't Black women married?. Since I love to torture myself I decided to watch the Nightline video taking place in my current city of residence Atlanta, GA. After watching the video, I can't really say I learned anything new. I have another statistic to help me feel better. 42% of Black women have never been married. So clearly I'm not alone although these women "appeared" to be fine with their singleness. Kudos to them or maybe that was just for the camera's sake. After watching the clip, I did began to ponder is there a happy ending for Black women. I know I watch a lot of television and am officially brainwashed into believing that my Prince Charming will ride in on a white horse and rescue me from the trials of everyday life and take me to a wonderful land far, far away and we'll live happily ever after. However, I'm beginning to wonder is this realistic at all. I keep thinking that I will meet someone and as our relationship matures he will propose and then we can get to the next chapter of our lives together. Since the proposal continues to elude me, I can't help but wonder are my expectations reasonable. So married ladies, I need your help (your honesty is much appreciated). Did your husband propose on his own in a rather creative and romantic way or did your proposal come as a result of crossed arms and tapping toes that signaled you were ready to take that leap? I can't wait to read your responses.

Are there any "safe" channels?

So I'm off of work this week trying to enjoy my vacation by doing what....watching television of course. However, as I actively try to not think about my singleness I am reminded at every clip of the remote. I mean come on...can a sista get a break. I like the WE channel. Clearly, I had no idea that WE was actually short for weddings. I was watching reruns of The Game (first time watching this sitcom and LOVED it.) However, during every commercial break there was some promo for an upcoming show focusing on what???? You guessed it-WEDDINGS!!!!! They even have a show about pets getting married. Clearly, this will not make me feel any better. Damn, I know things are bad when dogs and cats are getting married and I'm still single. Today I have decided to chose my channels very carefully so I'm sticking with SyFy. What's the chances I'll see anything to do with marriage or weddings on SyFy? I hope zero.

Am I the only one?

This blog is the result of a looooonnnnnng conversation with a very close friend. She told me that I can't be the only one who feels incomplete without a ring (an engagement/wedding ring) and that I should create an internet support group for myself. So here it attempt to stay sane and vent and bitch and moan and do all the other stuff women do when we don't get what we want.
I wish I knew when this obession with getting married happened. However, I really think it was just a series of small seeds that have now grown into an unmanageable forest of big, ugly, mean trees. I swear it seems like everyday someone asks me "Are you married, yet?" Honestly, I don't get it. Why is my martial status such a big deal? Am I less of a woman if I'm not married? Are you trying to fix me up with a nice guy? I think I do a pretty good job at answering the questions and not seeming bothered by them. However, lately, it's really beginning to take it's toll on me. I am emotionally exhausted. I hate that I'm not married and that I'm almost forty. I feel like if I could just get married that I would be okay. Somehow I have decided that marriage is the ultimate validation of one's worth and since I'm not married it must mean that I'm less than. It means that no one finds me worthy of spending the rest of their life with me. It means that in spite of all the things that I've accomplished they pale in comparision to the accomplishment of becoming someone's wife. It's sad I know that in 2009, well almost 2010 that a college-educated, self sufficient woman would place so much stake in a man and NEEDING him to validate her worth. I'm definitely not proud of how I feel and wish desperately that I could "get over it" or "enjoy the moment" but I've tried and I can't. How do you make yourself feel okay when you feel like your naked ring finger is screaming out you're worthless?