Posted by Ms. not Mrs. / 9:55 AM /
This blog is the result of a looooonnnnnng conversation with a very close friend. She told me that I can't be the only one who feels incomplete without a ring (an engagement/wedding ring) and that I should create an internet support group for myself. So here it is....my attempt to stay sane and vent and bitch and moan and do all the other stuff women do when we don't get what we want.
I wish I knew when this obession with getting married happened. However, I really think it was just a series of small seeds that have now grown into an unmanageable forest of big, ugly, mean trees. I swear it seems like everyday someone asks me "Are you married, yet?" Honestly, I don't get it. Why is my martial status such a big deal? Am I less of a woman if I'm not married? Are you trying to fix me up with a nice guy? I think I do a pretty good job at answering the questions and not seeming bothered by them. However, lately, it's really beginning to take it's toll on me. I am emotionally exhausted. I hate that I'm not married and that I'm almost forty. I feel like if I could just get married that I would be okay. Somehow I have decided that marriage is the ultimate validation of one's worth and since I'm not married it must mean that I'm less than. It means that no one finds me worthy of spending the rest of their life with me. It means that in spite of all the things that I've accomplished they pale in comparision to the accomplishment of becoming someone's wife. It's sad I know that in 2009, well almost 2010 that a college-educated, self sufficient woman would place so much stake in a man and NEEDING him to validate her worth. I'm definitely not proud of how I feel and wish desperately that I could "get over it" or "enjoy the moment" but I've tried and I can't. How do you make yourself feel okay when you feel like your naked ring finger is screaming out you're worthless?