Am I the only one?


This blog is the result of a looooonnnnnng conversation with a very close friend. She told me that I can't be the only one who feels incomplete without a ring (an engagement/wedding ring) and that I should create an internet support group for myself. So here it is....my attempt to stay sane and vent and bitch and moan and do all the other stuff women do when we don't get what we want.
I wish I knew when this obession with getting married happened. However, I really think it was just a series of small seeds that have now grown into an unmanageable forest of big, ugly, mean trees. I swear it seems like everyday someone asks me "Are you married, yet?" Honestly, I don't get it. Why is my martial status such a big deal? Am I less of a woman if I'm not married? Are you trying to fix me up with a nice guy? I think I do a pretty good job at answering the questions and not seeming bothered by them. However, lately, it's really beginning to take it's toll on me. I am emotionally exhausted. I hate that I'm not married and that I'm almost forty. I feel like if I could just get married that I would be okay. Somehow I have decided that marriage is the ultimate validation of one's worth and since I'm not married it must mean that I'm less than. It means that no one finds me worthy of spending the rest of their life with me. It means that in spite of all the things that I've accomplished they pale in comparision to the accomplishment of becoming someone's wife. It's sad I know that in 2009, well almost 2010 that a college-educated, self sufficient woman would place so much stake in a man and NEEDING him to validate her worth. I'm definitely not proud of how I feel and wish desperately that I could "get over it" or "enjoy the moment" but I've tried and I can't. How do you make yourself feel okay when you feel like your naked ring finger is screaming out you're worthless?

2 comments:

vmozell said...

I feel your pain and you are not alone. Society has brainwashed us into believing we should be married. You aren't worthless for feeling this way or wanting to be married. As a matter of fact you are not worthless! Stop driving yourself crazy about this; just pray on it and leave it to God!

joanofalltrades said...

Tell yourself every day, you are not worthless. You deserve to be loved in the way that you wish to be loved and you deserve not to have to compromise your standards--which are reasonable by the way. Love yourself first. I can't help but think that our game night also had something to do with this blog.

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