A Question to the Mrs.

I have no idea why I'm up at ummmmm 4:12 a.m it must have something to do with going to bed way too early. Anywho, I was up reading Facebook status updates and my attention was quickly drawn to one that said Why aren't Black women married?. Since I love to torture myself I decided to watch the Nightline video taking place in my current city of residence Atlanta, GA. After watching the video, I can't really say I learned anything new. I have another statistic to help me feel better. 42% of Black women have never been married. So clearly I'm not alone although these women "appeared" to be fine with their singleness. Kudos to them or maybe that was just for the camera's sake. After watching the clip, I did began to ponder is there a happy ending for Black women. I know I watch a lot of television and am officially brainwashed into believing that my Prince Charming will ride in on a white horse and rescue me from the trials of everyday life and take me to a wonderful land far, far away and we'll live happily ever after. However, I'm beginning to wonder is this realistic at all. I keep thinking that I will meet someone and as our relationship matures he will propose and then we can get to the next chapter of our lives together. Since the proposal continues to elude me, I can't help but wonder are my expectations reasonable. So married ladies, I need your help (your honesty is much appreciated). Did your husband propose on his own in a rather creative and romantic way or did your proposal come as a result of crossed arms and tapping toes that signaled you were ready to take that leap? I can't wait to read your responses.


satakieli said...

Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog.

As a response to your question, my husband proposed to me all on his own after we'd been talking online for around 6 months and had met one another in person for two weeks (he was deployed to Kosovo with the U.S. military at the time and met up with me on leave). We'll have been married 3 years this coming Sunday.

I was completely surprised (after all, we hadn't known one another long at all) but I'm the sort of person who likes to take risks, lol. The way he asked wasn't particularly romantic though.

It's a difficult one, I'd been in long relationships before where I expected proposals that never came but this one was just sudden. I like to think that when you know, you just know. But perhaps I'm too much of a believer in romance.

Charlene said...

Happy SITS Year! I too was up at 4am reading Facebook...so I can definitely relate to that part! Here is my proposal story... I was TOTALLY surprised http://www.beamingbalance.com/2009/03/til-death-do-us-part.html

Christie-The ChatterBox said...

Mine I believe was kind of a hybrid of the two scenarios (on his own but after a bit of toe tapping). My toe only began tapping after we moved in together...this was not going to be a "free milk" situation, ya know. We'd been together for five years...two of which were co-habitating. The proposal was not creative or romantic it was actually a joke that only he found funny. In mid 1999, we were having a "where is this relationship going conversation" and he told me that we will be engaged before the end of 1999. He waited until 12:15AM Jan 1, 2000 to propose.

Queenie Jeannie said...

I met my husband online, and I wasn't "looking" for him. That was way back when, when internet chat was just that and not porn-spammed to death. I was newly single, and LOVING IT!, after 14 years in a really bad marriage. I had no intention of getting serious, much less remarrying anytime soon. I loved dating!! But we "clicked" online almost instantly. We had our first date three days later, and were married a year to the day of our first date.

Did I get lucky? Yes.

Do I believe in online dating? YES!!

You can cut through so much BS online!!! And save yourself a lot of time too. If you can't carry on a fun conversation, then really, what's the point??

Good luck!

Happy New Year and thank you for visiting me on my special SITS Day!!

Shaunells Hair said...

Happy new year! saw you on sits--and hang in there!!Your blog is cute, and they are great outlets for whatever you need!

MeghanM said...

I met my husband in highschool. We started dating a year after I graduated from hs, and 18 months into our relationship we found ourselves expecting a baby! We knew we wanted to get married anyway, but it wasn't until our son was 16 months old that I finally put my foot down and said, "If you really want to marry me, why haven't you proposed yet?" So we went out and got my engagement ring and that was that. There was no proposal, but I'm okay with that! We have a happy, healthy, loving, beautiful family and that's what counts!

Vivianne's Vista said...

Well, my first "proposal" was a mess. My sister was going to back out of her wedding and my parents didn't want lose their money, so they asked me to take her place. My Ex and I looked at each other and said "alright, lets get married then." Assinine right? I didn't even get an engagement ring! Needless to say it went very badly.

BUT, my most recent proposal was just as I always wanted. He went down on his knees, there were many hugs and kisses and sappy "I love you's" and more... and a RING! I am truly happy this time around. Don't rush things, making a choice to marry must be made with your heart, and head. A woman's intuition is VERY strong. It will affect your life forever.

BTW- Thanks for stopping by my site!

Elle said...

I found you on SITS. You pose an interesting question. I'm one who believes that toe tapping and ultimatums are never the answers...if you have to do that, how do you know the proposal is real? Ya know? Like is he just doing it to shut you up? Fortunately, I never made it to that point with my husband.

Our story is very similar to queenie jeannie's...We met online just a few years ago. I was enjoying the single life after a too long relationship with an emotionally abusive jerk, so I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I spotted Music Man's ad on Craigslist one night when I was bored and surfing the net--making fun of ads on craigslist as a way to make myself feel better about being home alone on a Saturday night. I thought his ad was funny, so I thought I'd respond. I really didn't expect it to go much further than email.

We emailed back and forth for a couple weeks--the anonymity of the internet encouraging us to reveal personal details that allowed us to learn so much about each other. We escalated to phone calls after that, and planned our first date at the end of our first phone all (which had been four hours long).

9 months later, completely unexpected by me, Music Man proposed. It wasn't super elaborate or fancy, but it was perfect for us; it was a total surprise for me, which was awesome. We were married 15 months later on the two year anniversary of our first date.

Anonymous said...

Hi from SITS!

My first husband, I think I pushed into proposing. I was very young, we started dating when I was a junior in high school and we had been dating 5 years. We were married 5 years before it crashed and burned.

Since I had never dated as an adult, I went on match.com, read a book called Date Like a Man and another something like Be Honest You're Not That Into Him Either. They were real eye openers, and I decided that I was going to approach dating like a job interview - with ME deciding if I liked them, and if they didn't like me oh well. After about 9 months of dating I found DH and it was love at first sight. He proposed 6 months later, I had a feeling it was coming but it was still a surprise.

Krysten Hartenstein said...

Hm. I know I helped along my engagement. However, I remember one night when my husband and I were sitting around discussing marriage and we both said we wanted to be married around 25. And we both knew we wanted to marry EACH OTHER. So although I wanted the proposal so I could start the planning, I've always felt that he chose to ask me because he loves me and wants to be with me. If that makes sense =-)

I guess I'm saying that my proposal was a mix of the two.

Angie said...

I am not sure if you were aware of this, but I proposed to my ex-husband. Now I did do the crossing of the arms thing, but I decided I would make a romantic gesture the weekend of my graduation from my master's program. I had a ring and everything! Well anyway it appears that black men sometimes don't make a move until arms are crossed or they are proposed to. LOL
Your time is coming very soon, I just know it!

joanofalltrades said...

A little bit from column A and a little bit from column B. Despite the fact that my husband was wearing a wifebeater, jeans shorts, and timbs when he proposed, it was still somewhat romantic and definitely special. He did it on Valentines Day and even though my toe had been tapping for months, I didn't see it coming.

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